When “It’s Not You, It’s My Mental Health” Is Real
Sarah didn’t understand why she kept snapping at her partner over dirty dishes. Mark couldn’t explain his emotional distance, even though he loved his wife. What were they both missing? Undiagnosed anxiety and depression were hijacking their relationships.
The truth is that mental health conditions affect every part of our lives. They alter how we communicate, show affection, handle conflict, and perceive our partners.
At Advantage Mental Health Center, we’ve helped hundreds of couples build a stronger bond by overcoming their mental health struggles, and we can help you.
This guide will walk you through the impact mental health can have on relationships, the most common signs to watch for, and how to repair the damage.
7 Ways Mental Health Impacts Relationships
1. The Withdrawal Cycle (Depression’s Impact)
What Happens for the Partner Struggling with their Mental Health:
- Loss of interest in sex or socializing
- Cancelling plans last minute
- Short, disengaged responses in conversation
- Not reaching out to friends and family as much anymore
The Supportive Partner May Feel:
- Rejected, lonely, or like they’re “bothering” their partner
- Unsure of how to help
- Worried about their partner’s well-being
What We Recommend: Take an Easy Step Forward:
- Schedule low-pressure bonding activities, such as reading in the same room or taking a walk around the block. Being physically close, even if you’re engaged in separate activities, can help build back the connection between you and your partner.
2. Emotional Outbursts (Anxiety & Irritability)
What Happens for the Partner Struggling with their Mental Health:
- Small stressors trigger emotional outbursts in the anxious partner
- The anxious partner begins fixating on communication, overanalyzing texts or their partner’s tone of voice in conversation
- This creates a tense home environment where the supportive partner can feel like they’re just waiting to unexpectedly step on a landmine.
The Supportive Partner May Feel:
- Afraid to upset their struggling partner
- Confused about how to help and how to not upset their partner
- Possibly resentful of their partner for feeling like they need to walk on eggshells in the relationship
What We Recommend: Remember Neither of You is the Bad Guy
- When in conflict, view the mental health challenge as your common enemy, not each other.
- Instead of taking a “timeout” during conflict, try a “time-in”: stay present and as calm as you can with each other in the heat of an argument. Take some deep breaths, focus on the issue at hand, and try your best to not engage in personal attacks.
3. Care Imbalance (ADHD Challenges)
What Happens in the Relationship:
- The supportive partner sometimes ends up managing all the bills, appointments, and chores due to the struggling partner’s lack of focus
- The struggling partner can forget anniversaries or not keep their promises, causing hurt
- An uneven relationship dynamic develops and tension grows
The Supportive Partner May Feel:
- More like a caretaker than an equal
- Overburdened and stretched thin
What We Recommend: Automate Where Possible
- Automate tasks where possible, such as setting up shared calendars or using auto-pay for bills. Reduce resentment and bring more balance to the relationship with an evenly shared chore checklist that details what each partner will handle on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.
4. Doubt Cycles (OCD & Relationship OCD)
What Happens for the Partner Struggling with their Mental Health:
- Persistent doubts like “Do I really love them?”
- Seeking constant reassurance from their partner
- Comparing their current relationship to past relationships
The Supportive Partner May Feel:
- Confused about where the relationship stands
- Possibly inadequate as a partner
- Pressured to provide comfort to their partner as they struggle themselves
What We Recommend: Overcome Obsessions in a Safe, Third-Party Environment
- Consider ERP therapy (Exposure and Response Prevention) to help tolerate uncertainty and stop obsessive patterns. A therapist can help you break free from these doubts and restore trust in the relationship. Consider medication to help with OCD symptoms.
5. Connection Barriers (PTSD & Trauma)
What Happens for the Partner Struggling with their Mental Health:
- Someone suffering from PTSD or trauma may unconsciously flinch at their partner’s touch
- The struggling partner may avoid vulnerability or intimacy
- Can experience sexual difficulties due to dissociation or flashbacks
The Supportive Partner May Feel:
- Rejected by their partner
- Disconnected and distant
- Frustrated at the lack of connection or like they’re unknowingly doing something wrong
What We Recommend: Heal Your Body and Mind
- Sensorimotor psychotherapy is designed to heal the body and mind from trauma. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you navigate intimacy and reconnect emotionally.
6. Financial Stress (Bipolar & Impulsivity)
What Happens for the Partner Struggling with their Mental Health:
- Overspending when in a manic state
- Hiding purchases or debt due to feelings of shame and guilt
- Arguments about money end up dominating the relationship
The Supportive Partner May Feel:
- Betrayed, unsafe, or ignored
- Worried about their financial future
- Unsure of how to bridge a sensitive subject
What We Recommend:
- Mood stabilizers can help manage the ups and downs of bipolar disorder. Joint financial therapy can help create a money management strategy that works for both of you. Build frequent financial check-ins into your relationship where you can share open, honest dialogue about money and budget concerns.
7. The “Glass Wall” Effect (Autism & Communication Differences)
What Happens for the Partner Struggling with their Mental Health:
- They may experience difficulty reading their partner’s emotions
- They may have a literal communication style that misses nuance in what tone is used
- They may miss romantic cues, or they may not be able to understand their partner is upset unless that is explicitly stated
The Supportive Partner May Feel:
- Lonely, misunderstood, or disconnected
What We Recommend:
- Neurodiversity-affirming couples counseling can help both partners understand each other’s needs. Therapy can teach the struggling partner skills to improve their understanding of emotions and deepen your connection despite mental health challenges.
How to Repair the Damage (Beyond “Just Talk More”)
For the Struggling Partner:
- Try TMS Therapy: Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation is a non-drug treatment for depression that can help improve emotional availability and connection with your partner.
- Consider Medication: Medications can help with many mental health issues.
- Genetic Testing: Identifying medications with fewer sexual or emotional side effects can lead to more effective relief from symptoms without damaging intimacy.
- Skills Training: DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) helps with emotional regulation, helping you to manage stress and strong emotions in your relationship.
For the Supportive Partner:
- Set “Support Boundaries”: Support your partner, but take your own self-care into account and set limits. For example, “I’ll remind you about therapy appointments twice, but, after that, it’s your responsibility to remember.”
- Remember: It’s Not About You: When your partner has an outburst, remind yourself: “This isn’t about me.” Separate your partner’s emotional struggles from your own feelings.
- Get Your Own Therapist: Supporting a partner through mental health struggles can be challenging. Make sure you’re receiving support for yourself, too.
As a Couple:
- Attend Psychoeducation Sessions: Learn how anxiety or depression can alter a person’s behavior. Understanding the impact of mental health conditions on relationships can make communication and support much more effective.
- Create a New Narrative: Instead of seeing mental health challenges as a barrier, embrace the idea that you’re not fighting each other—you’re working together against the mental health diagnosis.
- Schedule Mental Health Check-Ins: Set aside 20 minutes each week to discuss mental health symptoms, not relationship conflicts. This helps create an open dialogue and keeps both partners on the same page.
When to Seek Professional Help
Consider couples therapy if:
- Arguments follow the same pattern without resolution
- You’ve stopped sharing important life events with each other
- Intimacy feels forced, or there’s a lack of connection
- You often think about leaving the relationship
At Advantage Mental Health Center, we specialize in:
- Medication Management: Minimizing side effects such as reduced desire
- TMS to alleviate many mental health issues without the side effects of medication
- Providing therapy and other resources
Real Couples, Real Progress
Jenna & Liam (Anxiety → New Beginnings): “After TMS, I stopped canceling our trips. We finally took that Costa Rica honeymoon—3 years later.”
Mateo & Carlos (PTSD → Healing): “EMDR therapy helped me tolerate hugs again. We’ve never felt closer.”
Your Next Step
Mental health might strain your relationship, but it doesn’t have to end it. Taking action can rebuild your connection and restore your emotional bond. Contact us to schedule your appointment today.